Roly-Poly

I woke up at 5:45 this morning (blerg) to take the dogs for a walk (what was I thinking?). It was actually quite nice, cool and quiet. Well, mostly quiet. We have a lot of dogs in our neighborhood and raised something of a fuss. Anyway, it was good even though I am now regretting it. What was interesting to me was that I saw a BILLION roly-polys on the sidewalk. Maybe not a billion. A lot. All of them were hurrying across the sidewalk and I got the impression these were the drunks of the roly-poly world, staggering home from the local bar. God knows what they were up too all night but they're going to get it from their roly-poly wives when they get home. I'm sorry, that was sexist. Women can be addicted to alcohol too. Maybe some of them were women. Er, female. Roly-polys aren't asexual are they? Maybe there were some roly-poly prostitutes among them. I couldn't really tell and didn't think to ask. Anyway, roly-polys live much more exciting lives than I previously thought.

UPDATE: Wikipedia's entry for roly-polys is sorely lacking in any information regarding their sexuality or family life. It also makes no mention of the epidemic alcoholism to be found in the roly-poly community. Silence is the enemy, Wikipedia.

Mistress Mary, quite contrary, how does your garden grow?

I'm no green thumb. My love for nature is strong for wild scapes and unkempt tangles, forests, overgrown gardens, and wildflower meadows. Bordered walks and garden beds are not my cup of tea. Don't get me wrong, gardens are beautiful and it is an art form to be able to effectively plan and maintain them. I especially love Japanese style gardens. But I am not particularly good at cultivation. I am not a horticulturalist, you might say. My mother is and all my knowledge of gardening comes from her and I yet rely heavily on her skill. Fall however, is my favorite time to garden because Fall gardening means bulbs and bulbs mean mostly easy to maintain perennials! Seriously, you take a bulb and you put it in the dirt and then in March or April you have flowers, for years. So easy. I love it. It's like a springtime surprise, especially because you've probably forgotten what you planted.

So anyway, I bought bulbs the other day to plant in the two planters on either side of our mailbox. They are currently chilling in the fridge (haha, get it, chilling because it's cold...but also because they're hanging out...and... okay...) because it's still in the 80s and bulbs need cool weather to put them to sleep for the winter. I bought some golden ducat daffodils, which are lovely. Everyone loves daffodils, they're the golden heralds of Spring. I also bought some Queen of the Night tulips, also known (incorrectly) as black tulips. Such a gorgeous plum color and I am very excited to meet them next spring. While the bulbs wait for a dip in the temperature, I will be digging up the hastas from the back yard and planting a Persian lilac. [Side note: did you know hasta is Latin for 'spear'? Hastas bloom purple buds at the tip of long, thin, stalks, somewhat akin to spears. Just fyi.] I adore lilacs and viburnum and flowers that give off delicious fragrance. I couldn't find a viburnum bush but will keep looking (I intend to replace a boxwood in the front with viburnum). So, the lilac is going in as soon as I find time to transplant it because I want it to develop some more root structure before winter. I started with one, I'm concerned it won't make it through the winter and it was $16. If it thrives, I'll get more next year.

Come spring I'm hoping to rip out yet another boxwood (I hate boxwood) and replace it with lavender and lambs ear, as well as a mint patch lining the driveway. If I could figure out a way of adding tiger lilies to this odd assortment of flowers, I would. Or bleeding hearts, so pretty. They don't have a scent but I always thought they should.

P.S. Just in case you don't know the rhyme:
Mistress Mary, quite contrary,
how does your garden grow?
With silver bells
and cockle shells
and pretty maids all in a row.

The world...

...it is crazy. Let me show you someone else who can show you how.
6 Creepy Animal Behaviors That Science Can't Explain
6 Insane Discoveries That Science Can't Explain
8 Simple Questions You Won't Believe Science Can't Explain
Go ahead, take your time reading. I'll be here...

Oh, I think there's something in my contact

If you are unacquainted with Gary Larson's The Far Side, I'm sorry that your life has been so meaningless thus far. Larson's humor is a stellar example of my own, the subtle and eccentric. He has a very nice piece that shows a, presumably Middle-Eastern man, attempting to change a contact lens whilst sitting against a lying down camel in the midst of a dust storm. The caption is something to the effect of "Bad places to change your contacts."

Last night, when I was awake at 3:30 because Elena ate about a pound of grass and decided to regurgitate it, I was realizing I have no idea how to survive a sand storm. There are plenty of things I have no idea how to survive (martial law, zombie apocalypse, tsunami) but, with all the rationale that comes with 3:30 in the morning, it seemed critical to me that I learn how to endure this particular calamity. Keep in mind, I live in the Plains, plenty of grass, no nearby deserts or sand dunes, but you never know, okay? Anyway, I'm delighted to inform you that I am now knowledgeable in sand storm survival and you can be too. Thanks WikiHow! Needless to say, I will be sure to carry water and petroleum jelly with me at all times. I wonder if chapstick would work just as well as the jelly? I always have chapstick. Also, interesting note about the above article, you are supposed to not get low to the ground because that's where the highest concentration of particles are but do stay low to the ground in order to avoid heavier flying objects? I'm imagining this to be a sort of duck, rise, and shuffle evasive maneuver.