Sauced Silverscreen: Show Boat (1951) & Guinness Draught

Okay, this is becoming a thing, so I'm just going to make it an official feature. Welcome to Sauced Silverscreen. This is where I watch a movie, usually made prior to 1990 (not always), while drinking and provide you a synopsis, usually snarky. Tonight's feature is the 1951 musical, Show Boat.

Funny story. I recorded the 1936 version of this movie (which is based on a stage production) and then erased it when it was not the 1951 version I was expecting. As it turns out, these two versions are incredibly different. The 1936 film is closer to the stage, darker, but certain roles are expanded in the 1951 production. So, now that I've erased it, I have to go back and find it to compare the two. So, this will be the first installment of Showboat.

Lolita (1962)

I have a series of books and films saved on Goodreads and Netflix, respectively, that, while not exactly my cup of tea, are listed because you're supposed to see them. For whatever reason, these pieces of work have been added to the echelons of "must experience." I just recently watched A Streetcar Named Desire and, one day in the near future, I'm going to read some Hemingway. Lolita is one of these "musts". I watched the 1962 Stanley Kubrick production, considered, I believe, the best adaptation of the 1955 novel of the same name. And, while I can't say I was eager to watch a movie about a middle-aged professor's obsession for a teenage girl, it was on the list and it wasn't as terrible as I was fearing.

It's About Us

It's been a few months, about time for me to harp on women's issues again.

Have you seen The Color Purple? Don't worry, neither had I but you should, you totally should. Don't get me wrong, this movie is a challenge to watch and is emotionally taxing but you'll be a better person for having seen it.

Aap Ki Khatir (2006)

I've been avoiding writing. I made the unfortunate mistake of deleting photos from my G+ album linked to the blog and, as such, lost a blog post or two. I've been a little miffed since then. Do NOT delete photos from G+, EVER. It can only end in tears.

In the meantime, I've been indulging my broken soul with Bollywood. I was out of wine when I watched Aap Ki Khatir (2006) on Hulu, so I was a little less snarky than usual. Also, my brother-in-law was visiting and I didn't want to scare him.

Thanks to the internet, lots of great Bollywood films are making it across the pond and into American culture. This was not a great film but it was free on Hulu, so let that be your measure. Aap Ki Khatir begins with Anu, a lovely NRI (non-resident Indian) who has been living in India, returning to London for her step-sister's wedding. Anu left London after a bad break-up with Danny, with whom she is still in love. Step-sister, Shirani, is marrying Danny's best friend, Kunal (who looks like a hedgehog, just fyi). Anu is determined to make Danny regret their break-up and hires a co-worker to accompany her to London and the wedding, pretending to be her new boyfriend. Enter love-interest, Aman.

As you might well imagine, hi-jinks. Aman seems only interested in the money, which, at first, suits Anu just fine - let's keep this strictly professional. But, as they spend time together and Aman comes more and more to Anu's emotional rescue, this pecuniary penchant of his begins to bother her. While she struggles with her feelings for Aman, she is still desperately trying to make Danny jealous and it seems to be working. Danny tries often to get Anu alone so they can talk. Will our heroine get her man?

No. Or, well, yes, but not that one. Aman learns that Danny and Shirani had a relationship after Anu left London. Shirani says it's over, she's with Kunal now, but Danny wants another shot. He feels the need to confess to Anu about his relationship with her step-sister. SPOILER: Everyone finds out. Anu and Kunal are pissed. Anu is more upset that Aman knew and kept it from her. To be fair, he only knew like half an hour before she found out.

I think my favorite parts of this movie were those moments when Anu found herself in stoic, emotional distress. She always looked to Aman, her sad, soulful eyes brimming with drama and emotion. Aman would catch her gaze and whisper, "Anu?". Also, it's the middle of freaking winter at this wedding. The men are wearing full coats, hats, gloves. And the women? Sleeveless saris. Indian women do not feel cold. Nary a goosebump.

Okay, so if you decide to check out Aap Ki Khatir or any other Bollywood film, there are some ground rules you need to know. Bollywood loves...:

Hilarious looking white men...

Especially if the movie takes place in England and some Anglo-Saxon friends are expected, you'll always find one white guy who is just so out of place and awkward. Aap Ki Khatir's ridiculous white-guy appears at about 1:29:05. He's dancing in the background. Dancing is a loose term. 

Dance offs in a strobe-lighty club...

The characters will always find a reason to go to a club. If you didn't know, most Bollywood movies are musical - they have singing and dance sequences. Clubs seem to be an attempt to make a dance sequence fit in more naturally. In stories of the ilk of Aap Ki Khatir (there are lots), where the heroine is trying to win back a former crush with her destined love interest along for the ride, this club scene is where the machismo comes out in a dance off. Generally, this is where the destined love interest, who up until this time has been little more than a cheeky and charming nuisance to our heroine, gets to flaunt his stuff. It is in the flashing blue and while lights of a dance club that he really starts to get her attention. Surrounded by slinky-clad back-up dancers, in a very well tailored suit, singing a shmexy song about the irresistibly of love, the new guy becomes a contender, putting former crush to dance-step shame. Sometimes fedoras are involved.

Date montages...

I have yet to come across a Bollywood film without a date montage. Heroine and destined love interest, in the midst of whatever drama surrounds them, escape to see the sights and delight in life together. If this film is taking place in a famous locale (London, New Delhi, other famous tourist attractions of India or America) they will take in some of the more famous architecture. A visit to nature is always involved, regardless of whether or not that nature is native to the region. This montage of excursions and outings allows for a couple of pretty costume changes and is always set to a romantic song. There is some debate as to whether or not these montages are meant to have happened in actuality. Some argue that they are a montage of dates taken by the lead characters. Others argue that they are representative of the changing emotions of the characters and are more of an interpretive dream sequence. I tend to fall between these two and it really depends on the movie as to which side of the fence I come down on. 

Sexy, sexy, dancing...

You will never see a full on make-out kiss in a Bollywood film. Maybe a brief peck or a suggested kiss, hidden behind a fan. Even following a marriage ceremony, kissing is rarely, if ever, shown. India has strict censorship ratings and many films want to maintain a conservative rating. Oddly enough, this does not stop the dancing from getting super steamy. Hindi dancing and belly dancing involves a lot of hip motion, that's pretty sexy, but the dance scenes are where the characters' passions get played out and the writhing bodies and kissing necks and ear lobes are definitely swoon worthy. On top of this, though saris do not usually show legs, exposed stomachs are very prevalent. You may also notice that many of the leading and secondary Indian actresses remain on a less steamy level than say the sexy, sexy back-up dancers. Indian actresses want to maintain their conservative fan base and, often, the back-up dancers are non-Indian for this reason.

Okay, now that you are prepared, get out there and enjoy some Bollywood. You can find a lot available on Hulu or Netflix. Some of my personal favorites:

Bride and Prejudice 
I Hate Luv Storys

Mistress of Spices (haha, this one is freaking hilarious)

Namastey London 
Pyaar Impossible

What's Your Rashee?

If you have some favorite Bollywood movies, share them in the comments! I'm always in the mood for a new Bollywood! 

Top Ten "I can't believe I'm listening to this drivel"

There are some terrible songs out there. Insipid songs, boring songs, songs with no musicality. But there are some songs that are terrible on principle, whose lyrics suggest some pretty awful things. And I hate myself when I sing along because, damnit, they're catchy too.

10. S&M (Rhianna):
Sticks and stones may break my bones
but chains and whips excite me
For someone with domestic abuse in their past, I feel like this was a bad choice. I mean, it's a bad choice no matter what, songs about fetishes rank high on the TMI scale, but, particularly if you've suffered physical abuse, it seems to be in bad taste.

9. Tonight (Enrique Inglesias):
I'm not even going to put the lyrics for this one. If you haven't heard the song, you can find it. Essentially, it goes something like "I'm [profanity for intercourse]-ing you tonight." Buddy Holly and I have a theory that as we lose all modesty or skill for innuendo, music will eventually just describe the sex act in scientific detail. To be fair, it won't just be in music. There is a distinct regression in the sexual innuendo used in James Bond films. In the twenty-two Broccoli franchise films we've gone from such delightfully clever repartee as "That's a nice little bit of nothing your almost wearing" or "I won't be needing these" (said of oysters on the half-shell) to "I don't like cock fights." *facepalm*

8. Don't Trust Me (3oh3):
Shush girl, shut your lips,
do the Helen Keller and talk with your hips
I think this one is pretty self-explanatory. Not only a slander at Helen Keller but pretty much all women. This is right up there with Dr. Pepper 10's great 'not for women' advertising campaign.

7. Peacock (Katy Perry):
Katy Perry took a lot of flack for I Kissed a Girl, another catchy tune that many find questionable, but that song has never bothered me overly much. She isn't my favorite artist but I also wouldn't call her the worst, I enjoyed Friday Night and Hot N Cold. But this song was inexcusable. A terribly flimsy innuendo without a hint of wit. I'm also not really sure what the song is supposed to achieve, except for the wild panting of fanboys everywhere, of course.

6. California Girls (Katy Perry):
We'll melt your Popsicle
Yeah, I know, two strikes against her. I also dislike Fireworks but only because it's trite and overplayed. This one is not to be confused with the California Girls of the Beach Boys. The lyrics here are not the worst though the tone of the song seems to suggest the loose ways of the feminine population in California. It's really the music video that is so offensive - the disturbing fantasies of a Candy Land fetishist.

5. Just a Toy (Tommy Sands & Annette Funicello):
In this movie, Mary Quite Contrary and Tom Thumb make a visit to Toyland (amongst other things). Whilst helping the Toymaker make toys for Christmas. As they clean up the toyshop for the evening, Mary begins to sing about a doll and what her life must be like, waiting for the joy of being found on Christmas morning and finally belonging. Then Tom begins singing:
I love to see 'neath my Christmas tree
one special doll meant for me.
Smiling eyes, silken hair
you'll need such loving care,
you're just a toy.
You were planned and designed
with one person in mind,
to hold you and keep you forever,
and you'll live for the love
and the happiness of
this lonely boy
and each night he will say
in a whimsical way,
you're just a toy.
Yes, you, my beloved, are an inanimate, immobile object that can neither think nor speak. You will "live for the love and the happiness of" your predetermined mate. Each evening he will whimsically mock your static circumstance.

4. Bobby's Girl (Marcie Blane):
When people ask of me
what would you like to be
now that you're not a kid anymore
I know just what to say,
I answer right away,
there's just one thing
I've been wishing for...


I want to be Bobby's girl,
I want to be Bobby's girl
that's the most important thing to me
and if I was Bobby's girl,
if I was Bobby's girl,
what a faithful, thankful girl I'd be.
Aspiring, from a young age, to be the girl of a particular guy seems like aiming low. No other aspirations? No desire to see the world? Or make the perfect souffle? No bucket list? Just Bobby's girl, huh? Mk, then.

3. Baby It's Cold Outside (various artists):
Widely recognized as the Christmas date-rape song, owing much to a single line, "Say what's in this drink?", though "The answer is 'no'" is a nice follow up too. But, despite it's questionable lyrics, it remains one of the most popular Christmas duets in existence. The most upsetting of these is the She & Him version with a role reversal.

2. Wishin' & Hopin' (Dusty Springfield):
You gotta show him that you care just for him,
do the things he likes to do,
wear your hair just for me,
'cause you won't get him,
thinkin' and a prayin',
wishin' and a hopin'
I love this song, I do. It's so much fun, especially as the credits for My Best Friend's Wedding. But it is a truth universally acknowledged that the only way to get your man is to change everything about yourself for him. Hide your personality, forget everything that you enjoy, mold yourself to your love.

1. Standing on the Corner (Dean Martin):
This hurts the most because I love Dean Martin so very much. I sing along to this every time I listen to my Dino album, it can't be helped. But it is so creepifying and awful:
Standing on a corner watching all the girls go by,
standing on a corner watching all the girls go by.
Brother, you don't know a nicer occupation,
matter of fact, neither do I,
than standing on a corner watching all the girls,
watching all the girls, watching all the girls go by.


I'm the cat that got the cream.
Haven't got a girl but I can dream.
Haven't got a girl but I can wish,
so I'll take me down to Main Street
and that's where I select my imaginary dish.


Standing on a corner watching all the girls go by,
standing on a corner giving all the girls the eye.
Brother, if you've got a rich imagination,
give it a whirl, give it a try,
try standing on a corner watching all the girls,
watching all the girls, watching all the girls go by.


Brother, you can't go to jail for what you're thinking
or for that woo look in your eye,
standing on the corner watching all the girls
watching all the girls, watching all the girls go by.


Okay, folks, what songs have I missed. What awful song can you not help singing along to?

Bride Wars

Next on the list of movies I meant to see when they came out but am just now watching year's later, Bride Wars, circa 2009.

First off, for having two such, moderately big-name leads, Kate Hudson and Anne Hathaway, I thought the male supporting cast to be intriguingly lower-caliber. Let's have a run-down, shall we?

Fletcher - Chris Pratt
Also known as: That guy from Parks & Rec

 

Daniel - Steve Howey

Also known as: That redneck from Reba

Nate - Bryan Greenberg
Also known as: That kid from The Perfect Score

Bride Wars is about two twenty-something best friends who have been obsessed with their wedding days since the tender age of about seven or so. They have dreamed of June weddings at the Plaza Hotel all their lives. In the meantime, while waiting for the "right one" to come along, they've miraculously managed to become a lawyer and teacher respectively. Liv, an aggressive go-getter lawyer, has Daniel, whom she expects to propose any day. She even finds a Tiffany box in the closet but he has not asked. Emma, a teacher, is quiet and trod on by co-workers. Her boyfriend, Fletcher, asks her to marry him before Liv gets her Tiffany ring, prompting Liv to essentially force Daniel into proposing. How perfect, both friends are engaged. They'll be each other's maids of honor, of course. They arrange to meet with Marion St. Claire, also known as Murphy Brown, the best wedding planner EVER. They're in luck, three dates are available at the Plaza in June. Liv takes the sixth. Emma takes the twenty-seventh. Bliss!

BUT! Oh noes! Angela, the assistant, booked them incorrectly. They're BOTH booked on the sixth! What will they do!? How will they overcome this terrible mistake! A double wedding? What about a double wedding? EVERYONE suggests a double wedding. Why? Because that makes sense. But, Liv and Emma, refuse to have a double wedding, it's supposed to be their day. One of them will just have to live without the Plaza. Their relationship immediately deteriorates. Like instantly. They will spend the next forty-five minutes or so doing terrible things to one another, simultaneously planning their own and sabotaging the other's wedding. 

On June 6th, both women wish to reconcile but are too proud to do so. Liv tries to undo her last attack on Emma, switching her video montage, but is foiled in her attempt to make it right. When Emma walks down the aisle to a video of her college spring break trip, she ditches her own wedding to go get in a cat fight with Liv across the hall. Then Emma realizes she doesn't want to marry Fletcher, that she's settling. So Emma & Fletcher say goodbye and magically she's free to be Liv's maid of honor. And start up a relationship with Liv's brother, Nate.

It all happens kind of quick. It is also all easily visible from MILES away. And, while I understand that this is a romantic comedy and meant to be taken lightly, I am really uncomfortable with some of the messages in this film. Particularly regarding marriage and women's views toward it.

First off, the obsession. These girls are consumed with marriage. Check that, with weddings, because it doesn't seem like either of them has any focus on a point past that day. It's amazing they manage to hold down jobs. There also is a very unhealthy attitude of judging one's self-worth on marriage status. When other friends hear that Liv and Emma are engaged they turn to pills and binge eating. That's healthy. 
Toward the beginning of the film, Liv and Emma are in attendance at a mutual friends' wedding, which obviously is not good enough because it's not June and it's not the Plaza. Indeed, a good wedding should be extravagant and expensive and is really more about the reception than the actual marriage ceremony. The bride of the day, already drunk, is already looking forward to a lonely and dissatisfying marriage. She will be divorced by the end of the movie. But that's okay, it's only her first. Seriously, they say that. Apparently there's a number of divorces you reach before people should give you condolences. And then there's this chestnut from Marion St. Claire: 
A wedding marks the first day of the rest of your life. You have been dead until now. Were you aware of that? You're dead right now.
Jesus, let's throw a rendition of Dean Martin's Your Nobody Till Somebody Loves You in there too, shall we?

But it's not just the weddings that inspire unhealthy attitudes. By mid-sabotage-montage, it is entirely obvious that Emma and Fletcher will not work out. Mostly because we're basically told in a voice-over from Marion St. Claire. While Liv turns to Daniel during this stressful and zany time, finding solace in his understanding that he loves her but what she really needs is her best gal pal, Emma finds only silence and impatience from Fletcher. I was disappointed that they chose this route. The signs are so obvious to everyone else and, though I understand she's busy ruining Liv's wedding, Emma never stops to notice how dissatisfied she and Fletcher are, how much they aren't working things out. That is, until the day of the wedding. Hell, she's even walking down the aisle and it takes a full on white-tulle rumble to make her question if she wants to be with Fletcher. I recognize that these sorts of self-revelations happen in real life (probably not as often as in movies) but it is, again, instantaneous. They have been in a relationship for TEN years and there is not even a discussion of trying to work on their relationship. They're just done. Good, good. Best not to try and work things out. 

As Liv and Daniel dance and Emma and Nate flirt (Seriously!? You just broke up with your fiance less than an hour ago. You were about to say "I do"), Marion St. Claire once again bestows her wisdom:
It was quite a wedding and, as I stood there watching, I realized something I'd forgotten a long time ago. Sometimes in life there really are bonds formed that can never be broken. Sometimes you really can find that one person who will stand by you not matter what. Maybe you will find it in a spouse and celebrate it with your dream wedding. But there's also the chance that the one person you cna count on for a lifetime, the one person who knows you sometimes better than you know yourself, is that same person who's been standing beside you all along.
While poorly worded in my opinion, I guess I like the sentiment. That kindred spirits come in more relationships than just your spouse. I feel like this was the one genuine virtue in this film. 

On a more whiny note, while Anne Hathaway is a decent actress, I have a difficult time believing her in adult roles. She has not physically changed from her role in the Princess Diaries. She maybe got taller. I have a feeling accepting her as Catwoman in Dark Knight Rises and Fantine in Les Miserables is going to be a challenge.

Anyway, maybe I would have like that movie more if I'd had more wine. I'm going to go watch Penelope again. There's nothing to snark in Penelope, it's too whimsically wonderful.

Roly-Poly

I woke up at 5:45 this morning (blerg) to take the dogs for a walk (what was I thinking?). It was actually quite nice, cool and quiet. Well, mostly quiet. We have a lot of dogs in our neighborhood and raised something of a fuss. Anyway, it was good even though I am now regretting it. What was interesting to me was that I saw a BILLION roly-polys on the sidewalk. Maybe not a billion. A lot. All of them were hurrying across the sidewalk and I got the impression these were the drunks of the roly-poly world, staggering home from the local bar. God knows what they were up too all night but they're going to get it from their roly-poly wives when they get home. I'm sorry, that was sexist. Women can be addicted to alcohol too. Maybe some of them were women. Er, female. Roly-polys aren't asexual are they? Maybe there were some roly-poly prostitutes among them. I couldn't really tell and didn't think to ask. Anyway, roly-polys live much more exciting lives than I previously thought.

UPDATE: Wikipedia's entry for roly-polys is sorely lacking in any information regarding their sexuality or family life. It also makes no mention of the epidemic alcoholism to be found in the roly-poly community. Silence is the enemy, Wikipedia.

We named the dog Indiana

Take a moment today to read about John Fairfax. And, when you've finished reading about his absolutely fascinating life, let's have a moment of silence for our mundane existence. I'm sorry, I'm assuming again. Perhaps you also have "attempted suicide-by-jaguar" and "afterward [were] apprenticed to a pirate." If so, I applaud you. I have not lived quite so awesomely.

Reading about John Fairfax reminds me of Dana and Ginger Lamb. This newlywed couple left the coast of Southern California in a 16 ft. canoe in 1933 and sailed along the Californian, Mexican, Guatemalan, and Costa Rican coasts before crossing the Panama Canal in 1936. Enchanted Vagabonds chronicles this adventure and I highly recommend it. During the 1940s, they disappeared again, this time into Mexico and Central America, looking for the lost city of a tribe of Mayans that is said to have disappeared into the jungle to escape the Conquistadors. The Quest for the Lost City is considered to be the more controversial of their trips and many claim much of it is fabricated. I choose to believe in it because, frankly, it's a great story and even if it didn't happen I don't feel cheated or lied to by it.

If I weren't so absolutely terrified by the idea of bugs that could kill me and if I were not so fully aware of my own physical limitations, I would be tempted to be an adventurer. Are there people that still do this?

Too good for the Mu-tant

Let's discuss mutant powers for a moment, shall we?

In the innocent days of my youth, when the animated X-Men series was the extent of my knowledge of empowered superheroes, Rogue was my idol. This had less to do with her powers and was largely based on her sass. But let's face it, being able to absorb other mutant's powers is streets ahead of the three other predominant female characters (Jean, Storm, and Jubilee - WaWa). As my knowledge of mutants grew and I found new idols, I developed a list of mutant abilities I would assume given the chance:
Probability manipulation: I specifically like Domino for her power, subtle but amazing.
Intangibility: Shadowcat is my favorite of the X-men and I love her power for its myriad effects and limitations. Able to pass through solid materials but only so long as she can hold her breath. Passing through an electronic item, her distanced molecules will cause it to short circuit. And then there was that whole time period where she literally couldn't keep herself together and had to learn to maintain solidity.
Teleportation: Who couldn't make use of this? Everyone could use a little teleportation. Nightcrawler is sadly limited in that he must be able to see where he is going but Locus has the advantage of being able to teleport anywhere she has been or teleport another individual.
Pheromone manipulation: Spider Woman exudes pheromones which can sway people to her side or instill fear. So handy.
Bio-Luminescence: I would consider this power an asset. I like the idea of being able to play with and manipulate light but that turned out lame with Dazzler. Being your own flashlight could be useful though.
Healing: I am a healer at heart. I cannot abide blood and gore and biology and am, therefore, not a physician but, if I could heal others through magic touch, I would. Max Evans style.

All of these powers pale in comparison to my actual alter ego, Cold As Ice Woman, imbued with the ability to make your day a little colder with her sarcasm and icy glare. My clarinet instructor gave me this persona many years ago, as part of his Not So Super Superheroes team.

So, what's your power?

And remember, this is for posterity so be honest.

The Princess Bride (the movie) was released in 1987, the year I was born. I cannot vouch that I have seen it every year of my life but it is pretty close and, if I haven't, I've watched it enough for two or three of my lifetimes. This movie is tops, as is the book. Have you read the book? May I suggest you do?

William Goldman wrote the book within a frame narrative (which the movie somewhat maintains). Goldman writes that he heard the story from his grandfather and researched and abridged the original S. Morgenstern novel. Goldman's commentary is throughout, assuring the reader that he has here removed a lengthy tangent regarding the monetary system of Florin and, if you have a 1987 revision or post, that tourism at the Cliffs of Insanity has sky-rocketed since the release of the movie. The characde is absolute and beautiful. I told my father that we needed to visit Florin and Guilder. Allow me to burst your bubble, there is no Florin or Guilder. No Cliffs of Insanity, tourists or no. No S. Morgenstern. Goldman has no son. And there are no legal issues with the fictional Morgenstern estate in releasing the non-existent sequel, Buttercup's Baby. It is a clever literary device and I love the total devotion to keeping the myth alive.

But back to the movie. Have you seen the movie? May I ask why you are a total loser if you have not? Have you seen the Entertainment Weekly Reunion photograph?

Please note the homage pictures to Andre the Giant and Peter Falk. Also, there's a ROUS to the far left. Fred Savage is noticably missing but he wasn't very important to the movie anyway. Entertainment Weekly has also released a The Princess Bride Oral History, with all the tidbits and trivia I could hope for. I love details like these.

What I think is so lasting about The Princess Bride is that it cannot be imitated. It is one of a kind in its blend of romance, adventure, and humor. This book/movie defies description, "fencing, fighting, torture, revenge, giants, monsters, chases, escapes, true love, miracles...". There had never been anything like The Princess Bride before and I cannot envision anything being quite like it again.

So, what's your favorite line?

The Rapture, round two

The world was supposed to end today. After Harold Camping's prediction of a May 21st Rapture failed, he explained that it had been a quiet Rapture and that God had been merciful, a reprieve for the saving of more souls. The real end, the blow out, would come today, October 21st, 2011. Don't know about you but I'm not missing anyone from my address book and I know some pretty good people. I know some heathens and heretics too, I'm not surprised to see them though.

Anyway, going to Rapture. BRB.

Sunday in New York

Another favorite movie during this crisp Autumn time is Sunday in New York. This 1963 sex comedy stars Jane Fonda as Eileen, who has taken a leave of absence from work to visit her brother in New York after being thrown over by boyfriend, Russ. The crux of the break up was Eileen's resistance to premarital relations and Russ isn't the first beau she's lost to her old-fashioned ideals. Eileen is convinced she's the last 22-year old virgin on Earth. Eileen's brother Adam, a philandering airline pilot, swears he himself is as virtuous and that her suppositions of commonplace immorality are all wrong. In the course of her first Sunday visiting, Eileen meet-cutes Mike (Rod Taylor) on a 5th Avenue bus. They spend the afternoon together and, after getting caught in a downpour, make a run back to brother Adam's apartment to dry off and have some hot drinks. It is during their afternoon's conversation that Eileen finds the negligee of one of Adam's girlfriends in the closet and she realizes his lie to her. Fired up by her brother's betrayal and tried of being protected, Eileen makes a pass at Mike, which he gladly accepts, until he realizes this is her first rod-eo (cowboy). Cut to the pair in bathrobes, Eileen on the couch crying and Mike stalking around the apartment, smoking like a chimney. A girl has to start somewhere but it's not going to be with him. While recovering from their failed seduction and Mike waxing eloquent that Eileen's a nice girl and should stay that way, Russ (boyfriend) appears and eagerly proposes to his berobed love, before turning to Mike and greeting him as Adam, presuming him to be Eileen's brother. Well, the ruse would work just fine, but, of course, actual-Adam now appears and has to be played off as a friend to fake-Adam-Mike. Actual-Adam is quick to pick up on the situation and none too happy at the idea of his sister alone in the apartment with a strange man. Farce ensues as the trio struggles with how to tell Russ about the mistaken identities without losing the marriage proposal.

Reverse Chauvinism

Disclaimer: I do not like cancer. I am all for cancer research and awareness. To the best of my abilities, I understand and empathize with the havoc that cancer wrecks on an individual and their family.

I am very apologetic when I say that breast cancer awareness really turns me off. An entire month is devoted to this pink rally, the NFL is swathed in pink during the month of October, and, with each year, I become a little more desensitized to this particular form of raising awareness. I understand that breast cancer is a terrible thing and that women need to be aware of the risks and remember to be on the look out for problems. But, frankly, the same could be said of any cancer. In fact, breast cancer perhaps has a distinct advantage in that it can be looked for at home, unlike, say, ovarian cancer or liver cancer which require a medical examination. All that being said, I also understand that breast cancer awareness is going for a fresh approach and trying to capture women's attention but, all the same, I don't agree with their methods. I have no issue with reminding women of the risks, I have a problem with the how. "Save the tatas", sure it's catchy and just a smidge risque, no issue there. But you lose me on the facebook fake outs - one year it was bra color, one year it was where you put your purse, this year it was something about how many weeks along you were and what candy you craved. How does this help? I'm not sure how "confusing all the boys, teehee, teehee" raises awareness for breast cancer. Now there's this, a fun new phone app that reminds you to examine yourself for breast cancer, in the form of a hot guy. I don't have a problem being reminded to check myself but do we have to objectify men to do it? This app is just as appalling as the JCPenney Van Heusen commercial that gets guys to look at suits by watching a busty woman heave herself out of a pool. How can we as women be so up in arms about being evaluated for our base physical attractions and then turn around and do it right back?

This reverse chauvinism has always made me uncomfortable. In college, some of the girls on our hall put up a hot guy wall, cutting and printing out pictures of buffed up men with their shirts off (in response to the fraternities wall of porno women). My roommate and I, equally bothered by this homage to male looks, put up pictures of men we respected and why. Men like Gilbert Blythe, Mr. Darcy, and John Addams, men who showed deference and respect to the women they loved, men who were attractive but for so many more reasons than just their face or physique. Physical attraction is understandable, natural even, but does it require that we slaver over the opposite sex like animals in heat? Haven't we as the human race outgrown this behavior?  No? Just me then? Okay.

My Tea Party

I am what my father refers to (in less than affectionate tones) as a "bleeding-heart liberal". I was the only one of the four children to attend a liberal arts college (Snur attended a private college but not liberal arts), I am the only one who votes predominantly Democrat (as far as I'm aware), and I avoid most social justice and political discussions with my family because I know it's not going to end well. I love my family, never doubt that, but I know I'm different and I'm happy about it. That being said here are some Tea Partiers and why they aren't invited to my tea party:
Lamar Smith: Imposing US law globally
Rick Scott: If it's not math and hard science, it's not worthy of funding
Feel free to debate, discuss, I'd prefer not arguing since that tends to get emotional. By all means, if you can provide me a solid reason why Science is more important than the Arts, that isn't financially based, be my guest.

People I am considering inviting to my tea party:
Britain
I'm not sure how to feel about this one. On the one hand, yes, go you for making a stand in social rights. On the other hand, people both homosexual and heterosexual will continue to struggle and the aid given by Britain may directly and positively impact their lives. If the support isn't there, well, that's no bueno. I suppose you have to do something though. Otherwise you are just funding a government that marginalizes and oppresses its people. Thoughts, comments, considerations?

P.S.

A two-fer for the day. The trailer for The Avengers movie released today. The movie debuts May 4 of 2012 and Buddy Holly and I am super excited. Speaking of The Avengers, I just realized today that Chris Evans, Captain America, is the Jock from Not Another Teen Movie. Awesome.

Also releasing in 2012 and looking quite a bit like badassery, The Raven. Releases in March.

Less badass but also eagerly anticipated, The Muppets. Because who doesn't love the Muppets?

Okay, you can go about your business now.

Good Idea - Bad Idea

Does anyone remember The Animaniacs? Well, they had a segment called Good Idea - Bad Idea that featured Mr. Skullhead in various contradicting situations, e.g. That was my favorite Animaniacs sketch.

Well, today I present to you,
Good Idea: Making awesome art.
Bad Idea: Insulting half the population.

Fighting Evil by Moonlight...

Buddy Holly and I decided on Halloween costumes today. Obviously the year's most important decision. I went through a number of ideas. Let's look at whatever ones I can recall, shall we?

Modern Woman 2

You may or may not be aware of the DC Comics reboot. If you are not aware, DC Comics is issuing a reboot of their comics, all of them. In this reboot they have stated a desire to broaden their target markets and provide comics for more minorities. In an attempt to broaden the comic market to women they have rebooted the Catwoman and Red Hood and the Outlaws comics (among others I'm assuming, but these are the ones in the press). For more on this situation please check out these blogs:
Comics Alliance: the review getting the media attention, not particularly safe for work
Ms. Snarky: a slightly less vitriolic response but none the less powerful
Michele Lee: perhaps the most meaningful response DC could choose to listen to

In any event, Buddy Holly and I have been discussing this situation since 9:30 this evening (it's 1:00). He is now zonked out asleep because men seem to have the ability to go from 60mph to 0 in a few seconds flat. I meanwhile am wide awake. We discussed a lot of things both directly related to the DC reboot and wild, unrelated tangents but the reason I'm typing to you in a dark living room now is because one facet of this situation goes back to my previous post.

In this strange, transitional period where equality between the genders is, at once, a "Well, duh" situation and yet not widely practiced, I am bothered that equality for women has really just led to more work for us*. We are expected to not only be "chefs in the kitchen, ladies in the living room, and whores in the bedroom" but also well-adjusted, ball-busting, go-getting workforce powerhouses. Who has the time? I'd be delighted to make my living as wife/mother/mistress but give me the space to do so. Let's get one thing straight, being a homemaker is a career and being a mother is a full-time job. So if you want me to keep the house clean, rear the children, and have a nutritional supper on the table by six, then let me quit my day job. If you expect me to be woman enough to manage a household then be man enough to afford it. Because there is no way in hell you can expect me to work the same hours you do and come home to manage all the chores you are too tired to do.

Also, as a side note, Gentlemen, women generally have a running list of things that need to be done going in their heads. It is often distracting. If you helped check a few items off that list, we'd have more time to think about sex. It's hard to get your engine revving when you just remembered the towels need to be folded. And I'm sure you'd say that the towels could wait and they probably can but it will still be in the back of a woman's mind, niggling and distracting her from the pleasure at hand. Just something to think about.

As a final note, I would like to ensure the readers that Buddy Holly is not a chauvinistic prig. He felt the Comics Alliance article was a bit too harsh, especially in light that the artists/writers are at the whim of corporate marketing and marketing dictates that sex sells, especially to a predominantly male audience. We agree that the broader issue underlying this symptom is a problem (one not easily remedied) and that, while the execution of "sexually liberated" female characters was not well done, it is not fair to kill the artistic messengers (they don't know any better).

In the end, I am glad that articles and posts like the above-stated are being made. They are small steps in bringing equality to realization. Now is not the time to be quiet and compliant and I hope that DC will take these responses into consideration. There is already a female fan base and we have asked for strong, powerful, sexual heroines. Don't give us prudes, that's not what we're asking for, but don't feed us male fantasies and then tell us they should be our own. I don't need to see a Batman butt-shot but I also don't need to see Catwoman (or Starfire) shagging anything that moves. Give me a woman who is aware of her sexual prowess (and uses it to her advantage) but not one who is defined by it.

*I am also bothered that sexual liberation means that women can now be sluts without the previous shame consequences. Why didn't we instead raise the bar and expect male sexuality to be beholden to higher standards? An example, in Iron Man 2, Pepper Potts (Gwyneth Paltrow) and Natalie Rushman (Scarlett Johansson) are entering the expo center. Rather than viewing this from above or beside, we watch from behind and below. It is a deliberate cinematic choice to watch their tight, pencil-skirt clad asses ascend a set of stairs. Brief, entirely unnecessary, and it drives me crazy. To make this situation right, I do not want to see a towel-clad Robert Downey Jr. or his butt in a nice tuxedo. I don't need to be stooped to a lower sexual level to even the playing field. I'd rather they removed these altogether. I don't need to see any one's butt whatsoever and frankly, neither does anybody else.

Modern Woman

I spend a lot of time (more than I would like to admit) feeling guilty for my lack of domesticity. I'm not nearly as crafty as I would like nor am I the accomplished cook, letter-writer, writer-writer, or gardener as I would hope. Flipping through Sunset magazine and watching Primal Grill and America's Test Kitchen only serve to assure me of my shortcomings. But this afternoon, as I drove home from grocery shopping (I hate shopping on Sundays) I had a reality check. I work a forty hour week, as does Buddy Holly. I am up at 6:30 every morning to make sure the furries are fed before heading to work an hour early, so that the husby and I can carpool and save on money. I spend my day taking care of a house, God's house ya'll. I manage to keep our house clean which is quite the feat with four dark-haired life forms shedding hair and cells. I manage to try one new recipe per week. It might not be everything I had hoped or even that good but I try something new.
So, this is me saying that I'm done feeling guilty. Yeah right, I'll have plenty of self-degradation parties in the future. But when I do, I'm going to remember this. So no, I might not be as good a cook as I would like, but chicken Kiev requires time that I just don't have right now. No, I don't have the English garden in my backyard that I have sketched in my journal but come Spring I will find a Saturday to dig up the crepe myrtle and plant some geraniums next to the mailbox. No, I don't have the time to decorate our home and make the improvements we've discussed since we moved but it's comfortable and ours. I'm not crafty, I can't make harvest candles or Christmas wreaths or personalized stationary, but I have a knitting basket next to the couch and I sometimes use it. I'm not a published writer and my novel is currently on hiatus but I'm writing here and when I'm done writing this post I'll go work on my short stories. Maybe one day I'll be a stay at home mom, maybe one day I'll home school, maybe one day I'll have so much time on my hands I'll be bored and I'll take up scrap-booking (against all my better instincts). It's not likely but maybe one day. Now, if I could just fit in some exercise, I would really feel accomplished.

Mismatched Earrings

There is a custom in China, when two friends (girls) meet, to exchange an earring.