Sauced Silverscreen: Gypsy (1962) & the other half-bottle of Lulu B. Pinot Noir

I started watching Gypsy on Sunday evening a week ago and the first half hour just dragged. But I knew Natalie Wood made an appearance in this film and I was determined to tough it out and see her part. I told Buddy Holly if she showed up and it still dragged, we'd just drop it. So on we went through some more plot exposition and singing, and then Natalie Wood appeared and it was still boring and then, just when I was about to give up hope, she started singing to a lamb wearing a diaper.

Me: You know what's weird about this movie? All the songs are really specific. Rather than a song about love or a person, it's about what's happening right at that moment. It's like a Taylor Swift song.

Buddy Holly: You know what's weird about this movie? She's singing to a lamb wearing a diaper.
Me: ...Yeah...turn it off, I'm going to have to start it over and blog about it. This is too ridiculous to not have its own entry.

So, here we are. I knew I'd need alcohol to get through this one, so grab something to drink and come hear the tale of Gypsy Rose Lee.

Sauced Silverscreen: Girl Vs. Monster (2012) & Lulu B. Pinot Noir

Buddy Holly's youngest brother (he's 12) is spending the night with us and plead a desperate case to watch a movie he'd seen promos for all week. He was very excited about this movie and assured us that it was a "mature, Halloween film." Girl Vs. Monster, a Disney Channel Monstober special. Obviously, a mature film. But, being the loving siblings we are, Buddy Holly and I agreed to watch. And I immediately went out and bought an emergency bottle of wine.

Sauced Silverscreen: Show Boat (1951) & Guinness Draught

Okay, this is becoming a thing, so I'm just going to make it an official feature. Welcome to Sauced Silverscreen. This is where I watch a movie, usually made prior to 1990 (not always), while drinking and provide you a synopsis, usually snarky. Tonight's feature is the 1951 musical, Show Boat.

Funny story. I recorded the 1936 version of this movie (which is based on a stage production) and then erased it when it was not the 1951 version I was expecting. As it turns out, these two versions are incredibly different. The 1936 film is closer to the stage, darker, but certain roles are expanded in the 1951 production. So, now that I've erased it, I have to go back and find it to compare the two. So, this will be the first installment of Showboat.

Lolita (1962)

I have a series of books and films saved on Goodreads and Netflix, respectively, that, while not exactly my cup of tea, are listed because you're supposed to see them. For whatever reason, these pieces of work have been added to the echelons of "must experience." I just recently watched A Streetcar Named Desire and, one day in the near future, I'm going to read some Hemingway. Lolita is one of these "musts". I watched the 1962 Stanley Kubrick production, considered, I believe, the best adaptation of the 1955 novel of the same name. And, while I can't say I was eager to watch a movie about a middle-aged professor's obsession for a teenage girl, it was on the list and it wasn't as terrible as I was fearing.

Aap Ki Khatir (2006)

I've been avoiding writing. I made the unfortunate mistake of deleting photos from my G+ album linked to the blog and, as such, lost a blog post or two. I've been a little miffed since then. Do NOT delete photos from G+, EVER. It can only end in tears.

In the meantime, I've been indulging my broken soul with Bollywood. I was out of wine when I watched Aap Ki Khatir (2006) on Hulu, so I was a little less snarky than usual. Also, my brother-in-law was visiting and I didn't want to scare him.

Thanks to the internet, lots of great Bollywood films are making it across the pond and into American culture. This was not a great film but it was free on Hulu, so let that be your measure. Aap Ki Khatir begins with Anu, a lovely NRI (non-resident Indian) who has been living in India, returning to London for her step-sister's wedding. Anu left London after a bad break-up with Danny, with whom she is still in love. Step-sister, Shirani, is marrying Danny's best friend, Kunal (who looks like a hedgehog, just fyi). Anu is determined to make Danny regret their break-up and hires a co-worker to accompany her to London and the wedding, pretending to be her new boyfriend. Enter love-interest, Aman.

As you might well imagine, hi-jinks. Aman seems only interested in the money, which, at first, suits Anu just fine - let's keep this strictly professional. But, as they spend time together and Aman comes more and more to Anu's emotional rescue, this pecuniary penchant of his begins to bother her. While she struggles with her feelings for Aman, she is still desperately trying to make Danny jealous and it seems to be working. Danny tries often to get Anu alone so they can talk. Will our heroine get her man?

No. Or, well, yes, but not that one. Aman learns that Danny and Shirani had a relationship after Anu left London. Shirani says it's over, she's with Kunal now, but Danny wants another shot. He feels the need to confess to Anu about his relationship with her step-sister. SPOILER: Everyone finds out. Anu and Kunal are pissed. Anu is more upset that Aman knew and kept it from her. To be fair, he only knew like half an hour before she found out.

I think my favorite parts of this movie were those moments when Anu found herself in stoic, emotional distress. She always looked to Aman, her sad, soulful eyes brimming with drama and emotion. Aman would catch her gaze and whisper, "Anu?". Also, it's the middle of freaking winter at this wedding. The men are wearing full coats, hats, gloves. And the women? Sleeveless saris. Indian women do not feel cold. Nary a goosebump.

Okay, so if you decide to check out Aap Ki Khatir or any other Bollywood film, there are some ground rules you need to know. Bollywood loves...:

Hilarious looking white men...

Especially if the movie takes place in England and some Anglo-Saxon friends are expected, you'll always find one white guy who is just so out of place and awkward. Aap Ki Khatir's ridiculous white-guy appears at about 1:29:05. He's dancing in the background. Dancing is a loose term. 

Dance offs in a strobe-lighty club...

The characters will always find a reason to go to a club. If you didn't know, most Bollywood movies are musical - they have singing and dance sequences. Clubs seem to be an attempt to make a dance sequence fit in more naturally. In stories of the ilk of Aap Ki Khatir (there are lots), where the heroine is trying to win back a former crush with her destined love interest along for the ride, this club scene is where the machismo comes out in a dance off. Generally, this is where the destined love interest, who up until this time has been little more than a cheeky and charming nuisance to our heroine, gets to flaunt his stuff. It is in the flashing blue and while lights of a dance club that he really starts to get her attention. Surrounded by slinky-clad back-up dancers, in a very well tailored suit, singing a shmexy song about the irresistibly of love, the new guy becomes a contender, putting former crush to dance-step shame. Sometimes fedoras are involved.

Date montages...

I have yet to come across a Bollywood film without a date montage. Heroine and destined love interest, in the midst of whatever drama surrounds them, escape to see the sights and delight in life together. If this film is taking place in a famous locale (London, New Delhi, other famous tourist attractions of India or America) they will take in some of the more famous architecture. A visit to nature is always involved, regardless of whether or not that nature is native to the region. This montage of excursions and outings allows for a couple of pretty costume changes and is always set to a romantic song. There is some debate as to whether or not these montages are meant to have happened in actuality. Some argue that they are a montage of dates taken by the lead characters. Others argue that they are representative of the changing emotions of the characters and are more of an interpretive dream sequence. I tend to fall between these two and it really depends on the movie as to which side of the fence I come down on. 

Sexy, sexy, dancing...

You will never see a full on make-out kiss in a Bollywood film. Maybe a brief peck or a suggested kiss, hidden behind a fan. Even following a marriage ceremony, kissing is rarely, if ever, shown. India has strict censorship ratings and many films want to maintain a conservative rating. Oddly enough, this does not stop the dancing from getting super steamy. Hindi dancing and belly dancing involves a lot of hip motion, that's pretty sexy, but the dance scenes are where the characters' passions get played out and the writhing bodies and kissing necks and ear lobes are definitely swoon worthy. On top of this, though saris do not usually show legs, exposed stomachs are very prevalent. You may also notice that many of the leading and secondary Indian actresses remain on a less steamy level than say the sexy, sexy back-up dancers. Indian actresses want to maintain their conservative fan base and, often, the back-up dancers are non-Indian for this reason.

Okay, now that you are prepared, get out there and enjoy some Bollywood. You can find a lot available on Hulu or Netflix. Some of my personal favorites:

Bride and Prejudice 
I Hate Luv Storys

Mistress of Spices (haha, this one is freaking hilarious)

Namastey London 
Pyaar Impossible

What's Your Rashee?

If you have some favorite Bollywood movies, share them in the comments! I'm always in the mood for a new Bollywood! 

Bride Wars

Next on the list of movies I meant to see when they came out but am just now watching year's later, Bride Wars, circa 2009.

First off, for having two such, moderately big-name leads, Kate Hudson and Anne Hathaway, I thought the male supporting cast to be intriguingly lower-caliber. Let's have a run-down, shall we?

Fletcher - Chris Pratt
Also known as: That guy from Parks & Rec

 

Daniel - Steve Howey

Also known as: That redneck from Reba

Nate - Bryan Greenberg
Also known as: That kid from The Perfect Score

Bride Wars is about two twenty-something best friends who have been obsessed with their wedding days since the tender age of about seven or so. They have dreamed of June weddings at the Plaza Hotel all their lives. In the meantime, while waiting for the "right one" to come along, they've miraculously managed to become a lawyer and teacher respectively. Liv, an aggressive go-getter lawyer, has Daniel, whom she expects to propose any day. She even finds a Tiffany box in the closet but he has not asked. Emma, a teacher, is quiet and trod on by co-workers. Her boyfriend, Fletcher, asks her to marry him before Liv gets her Tiffany ring, prompting Liv to essentially force Daniel into proposing. How perfect, both friends are engaged. They'll be each other's maids of honor, of course. They arrange to meet with Marion St. Claire, also known as Murphy Brown, the best wedding planner EVER. They're in luck, three dates are available at the Plaza in June. Liv takes the sixth. Emma takes the twenty-seventh. Bliss!

BUT! Oh noes! Angela, the assistant, booked them incorrectly. They're BOTH booked on the sixth! What will they do!? How will they overcome this terrible mistake! A double wedding? What about a double wedding? EVERYONE suggests a double wedding. Why? Because that makes sense. But, Liv and Emma, refuse to have a double wedding, it's supposed to be their day. One of them will just have to live without the Plaza. Their relationship immediately deteriorates. Like instantly. They will spend the next forty-five minutes or so doing terrible things to one another, simultaneously planning their own and sabotaging the other's wedding. 

On June 6th, both women wish to reconcile but are too proud to do so. Liv tries to undo her last attack on Emma, switching her video montage, but is foiled in her attempt to make it right. When Emma walks down the aisle to a video of her college spring break trip, she ditches her own wedding to go get in a cat fight with Liv across the hall. Then Emma realizes she doesn't want to marry Fletcher, that she's settling. So Emma & Fletcher say goodbye and magically she's free to be Liv's maid of honor. And start up a relationship with Liv's brother, Nate.

It all happens kind of quick. It is also all easily visible from MILES away. And, while I understand that this is a romantic comedy and meant to be taken lightly, I am really uncomfortable with some of the messages in this film. Particularly regarding marriage and women's views toward it.

First off, the obsession. These girls are consumed with marriage. Check that, with weddings, because it doesn't seem like either of them has any focus on a point past that day. It's amazing they manage to hold down jobs. There also is a very unhealthy attitude of judging one's self-worth on marriage status. When other friends hear that Liv and Emma are engaged they turn to pills and binge eating. That's healthy. 
Toward the beginning of the film, Liv and Emma are in attendance at a mutual friends' wedding, which obviously is not good enough because it's not June and it's not the Plaza. Indeed, a good wedding should be extravagant and expensive and is really more about the reception than the actual marriage ceremony. The bride of the day, already drunk, is already looking forward to a lonely and dissatisfying marriage. She will be divorced by the end of the movie. But that's okay, it's only her first. Seriously, they say that. Apparently there's a number of divorces you reach before people should give you condolences. And then there's this chestnut from Marion St. Claire: 
A wedding marks the first day of the rest of your life. You have been dead until now. Were you aware of that? You're dead right now.
Jesus, let's throw a rendition of Dean Martin's Your Nobody Till Somebody Loves You in there too, shall we?

But it's not just the weddings that inspire unhealthy attitudes. By mid-sabotage-montage, it is entirely obvious that Emma and Fletcher will not work out. Mostly because we're basically told in a voice-over from Marion St. Claire. While Liv turns to Daniel during this stressful and zany time, finding solace in his understanding that he loves her but what she really needs is her best gal pal, Emma finds only silence and impatience from Fletcher. I was disappointed that they chose this route. The signs are so obvious to everyone else and, though I understand she's busy ruining Liv's wedding, Emma never stops to notice how dissatisfied she and Fletcher are, how much they aren't working things out. That is, until the day of the wedding. Hell, she's even walking down the aisle and it takes a full on white-tulle rumble to make her question if she wants to be with Fletcher. I recognize that these sorts of self-revelations happen in real life (probably not as often as in movies) but it is, again, instantaneous. They have been in a relationship for TEN years and there is not even a discussion of trying to work on their relationship. They're just done. Good, good. Best not to try and work things out. 

As Liv and Daniel dance and Emma and Nate flirt (Seriously!? You just broke up with your fiance less than an hour ago. You were about to say "I do"), Marion St. Claire once again bestows her wisdom:
It was quite a wedding and, as I stood there watching, I realized something I'd forgotten a long time ago. Sometimes in life there really are bonds formed that can never be broken. Sometimes you really can find that one person who will stand by you not matter what. Maybe you will find it in a spouse and celebrate it with your dream wedding. But there's also the chance that the one person you cna count on for a lifetime, the one person who knows you sometimes better than you know yourself, is that same person who's been standing beside you all along.
While poorly worded in my opinion, I guess I like the sentiment. That kindred spirits come in more relationships than just your spouse. I feel like this was the one genuine virtue in this film. 

On a more whiny note, while Anne Hathaway is a decent actress, I have a difficult time believing her in adult roles. She has not physically changed from her role in the Princess Diaries. She maybe got taller. I have a feeling accepting her as Catwoman in Dark Knight Rises and Fantine in Les Miserables is going to be a challenge.

Anyway, maybe I would have like that movie more if I'd had more wine. I'm going to go watch Penelope again. There's nothing to snark in Penelope, it's too whimsically wonderful.

Spidey-senses tingling

So, Spiderman 3 came out during my college years and, despite it being finals week, a group of my friends decided to go to the midnight premiere. We had a thing for midnight showings then. For some asinine reason, that I can't remember but was probably lamely responsible, I decided not to go. I regretted it, all that night, all the next day and on through the years following. In fact, until last night, I had never seen Spiderman 3. It was like this elusive treasure that I could never quite reach. But I finally did and it turned out to be made of pyrite.

Seriously, I have no more regrets. That movie was freaking ridiculous and I'm so glad I didn't pay eight dollars to see it in the theatre. I probably got a better grade on whatever final was the next day because I missed that movie. If not that, I at least saved myself excessive eye rolling for two hours. What the hell? Have you seen that movie? Terrible, just terrible.

First off, these movies are made infinitely more difficult by this man and his stupid face.

Then there's the obvious, the very obvious, emo-Peter Parker scenes. The hair and the clothes and the finger pistols, good God. That entire scene in the jazz club, where he's dancing and spazzing, I couldn't help but be reminded of Ron Burgundy playing jazz flute in Anchorman.

 But it doesn't stop there because this happens:

And dear Mary Jane, who always ends up dangling from someone's sticky web emission by the end of the movie, nearly falls about ten times and is nearly crushed to death another twenty times after that. Only one other person seems to have this many recurring mishaps.

And maybe I missed Tobey McGuire gaining a few pounds but where did the double chin come from? It's just embarrassing, really.

So, in conclusion, Spiderman 3...

Splendor in the Grass (1961)

Buddy Holly and I watched Splendor in the Grass last night. I Netflixed it because it is supposed to be one of the first films to openly address sex, in particular teen sexual angst. It is definitely a pioneer of the time and included the first French kiss on film (factoid!). It is also supposed to be the movie that redefined Natalie Wood as an adult actress, transitioning her from former teen stardom. I don't know, I still prefer her in The Great Race. For all its touting of sex and sexual repression, the sex part does not last very long. Really, it might also be titled How Not to Handle Your Hormones. I spent quite a bit of this film with my mouth gaping. Keep in mind, I had had two glasses of Moscato by the time we started this film, so that may have been an influence.

Sunday in New York

Another favorite movie during this crisp Autumn time is Sunday in New York. This 1963 sex comedy stars Jane Fonda as Eileen, who has taken a leave of absence from work to visit her brother in New York after being thrown over by boyfriend, Russ. The crux of the break up was Eileen's resistance to premarital relations and Russ isn't the first beau she's lost to her old-fashioned ideals. Eileen is convinced she's the last 22-year old virgin on Earth. Eileen's brother Adam, a philandering airline pilot, swears he himself is as virtuous and that her suppositions of commonplace immorality are all wrong. In the course of her first Sunday visiting, Eileen meet-cutes Mike (Rod Taylor) on a 5th Avenue bus. They spend the afternoon together and, after getting caught in a downpour, make a run back to brother Adam's apartment to dry off and have some hot drinks. It is during their afternoon's conversation that Eileen finds the negligee of one of Adam's girlfriends in the closet and she realizes his lie to her. Fired up by her brother's betrayal and tried of being protected, Eileen makes a pass at Mike, which he gladly accepts, until he realizes this is her first rod-eo (cowboy). Cut to the pair in bathrobes, Eileen on the couch crying and Mike stalking around the apartment, smoking like a chimney. A girl has to start somewhere but it's not going to be with him. While recovering from their failed seduction and Mike waxing eloquent that Eileen's a nice girl and should stay that way, Russ (boyfriend) appears and eagerly proposes to his berobed love, before turning to Mike and greeting him as Adam, presuming him to be Eileen's brother. Well, the ruse would work just fine, but, of course, actual-Adam now appears and has to be played off as a friend to fake-Adam-Mike. Actual-Adam is quick to pick up on the situation and none too happy at the idea of his sister alone in the apartment with a strange man. Farce ensues as the trio struggles with how to tell Russ about the mistaken identities without losing the marriage proposal.