Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Spidey-senses tingling

So, Spiderman 3 came out during my college years and, despite it being finals week, a group of my friends decided to go to the midnight premiere. We had a thing for midnight showings then. For some asinine reason, that I can't remember but was probably lamely responsible, I decided not to go. I regretted it, all that night, all the next day and on through the years following. In fact, until last night, I had never seen Spiderman 3. It was like this elusive treasure that I could never quite reach. But I finally did and it turned out to be made of pyrite.

Seriously, I have no more regrets. That movie was freaking ridiculous and I'm so glad I didn't pay eight dollars to see it in the theatre. I probably got a better grade on whatever final was the next day because I missed that movie. If not that, I at least saved myself excessive eye rolling for two hours. What the hell? Have you seen that movie? Terrible, just terrible.

First off, these movies are made infinitely more difficult by this man and his stupid face.

Then there's the obvious, the very obvious, emo-Peter Parker scenes. The hair and the clothes and the finger pistols, good God. That entire scene in the jazz club, where he's dancing and spazzing, I couldn't help but be reminded of Ron Burgundy playing jazz flute in Anchorman.

 But it doesn't stop there because this happens:

And dear Mary Jane, who always ends up dangling from someone's sticky web emission by the end of the movie, nearly falls about ten times and is nearly crushed to death another twenty times after that. Only one other person seems to have this many recurring mishaps.

And maybe I missed Tobey McGuire gaining a few pounds but where did the double chin come from? It's just embarrassing, really.

So, in conclusion, Spiderman 3...

1 comment:

  1. Hahahahaha, I seriously love your film reviews. Like so much. That movie was pretty awful. I don't think I went to the premier either.

    Midnight premiers I remember: Harry Potter 4, X-Men 3, Watchmen.