Wednesday, September 19, 2012

I Hate My Job

I work for a church and, for the most part, it's pretty great. I work with and for wonderful people. I can listen to Pandora or old time radio all day. I can check my facebook, email, twitter, and news feeds anytime I want. But I hate my job when:

....the safety of those I work with and those who use our establishment is threatened.
     Our building is home to a senior nutrition site and a daycare, we are not located in the best part of town, and we provide food to those in need in our neighborhood. Those in need sometimes include mentally unstable, under the influence, and desperate individuals. We've never had anyone injured but there have been some frightening and intimidating moments.

....when I have to live by stereotypes because I'm hand-tied.
    Because of said senior site and daycare, the safety of those in our building comes first. All the doors are kept locked and anyone coming in has to be buzzed in by me. As such, I basically have to assume everyone is a rapist. I don't actually think everyone is a rapist but I hate having to treat people like they are an inevitable threat. I understand that just because you are in need of food or help does not mean you are a child-molesting, drug addict. But we have had situations and I have to assume that it's a liability. Sorry.

....I forget my lunch.
    Buddy Holly and I carpool together and he's the one that drops me off. So, if I forget my lunch, I'm reliant upon the good will of my co-workers (who are awesome) or I'm raiding the food pantry for ramen.

....when Esmeralda and Charlotte aren't here.
     Especially for the past year, I am mostly alone in the office upstairs. Esmeralda and Charlotte work in the daycare and share coffee time with me. They are my ray of sunshine as we talk movies, books, liberal politics, and make inappropriate jokes over cups of coffee that are about a 50/50 ratio of coffee to creamer. We are connoisseurs of creamer. There's a seasonal pattern. We're like the three musketeers...only less French...and I don't think any of us know how to fence. It's weird when one of us is gone on vacation or has a doctor's appointment. But the days when both of them are gone? Those are the darkest, longest, dreariest days of my life. No kidding, I love those gals.

....when I have a long to-do list and everyone else requires my services.
     Being the Oracle of my church means that I am the main conduit of information. Which means that if a church member wants to know something or wants the church to know something, it goes through me. This also means that when I have a list of twenty, day-filling tasks, I may/will have to drop them. For someone who is list and task oriented this is a special type of hell. "...It's the end of the day, and I only crossed off three items from my list. I am a failure."

....when I have a long to-do list and absolutely no motivation.
     Being alone in the office means that there's no one to gripe at me when I just want to read Wikipedia articles during the 2:00pm slump. It's hard to be motivated when you can't get in trouble.

....when the weather outside is sunshiney.
    I don't have windows in the main office. So sunshiney, breezy days go unenjoyed.

....when the weather outside is rainy.
    I love rainy days even more than sunshiney ones. And while the sound and dark of a rainy day makes the office more cozy, I can't go sit down with a cup of tea and watch it fall by my office window, since I don't have one (as aforementioned).

....when the copier breaks.
     There are black scuff marks along the bottom of our big copier. These are from me kicking it.

....when the copier breaks and it's a Friday.
     Sunday bulletins. Every week. If the copier breaks on Friday, I'm making a run to Kinkos.

....when the copier breaks and it's a Friday and it's a major religious holiday.

....when I have a hilarious (sassy, sarcastic, or clever) idea for our curb-side marquee.
     No one will get it/ I'll get in trouble. I saw this sign on the interwebs and wanted desperately to put it up.
Funny Church Marquee - Sign Photo
Council said no. They did let me dye part of my hair green though, which is rather radical for a liturgical, predominantly elderly church. So there's that. 

...when a church member passes away.
     This is so awful. Even if you weren't close, they were part of your church family.

....when a church member passes away unexpectedly.
     It's amazing sometimes how out of the blue a death can be.

....when I complain about a church member and then they pass away, leaving me in a wallowing pit of guilt.
     "She just talks and talks and talks and never about anything meaningful and...what? She's dead? Oh God, I'm going to hell."

....when I complain about a church member and then they pass away and I make it about me.
     I'm good at this.

....when the coffee burns and it smells awful in the office.
    This isn't particular to my work, per say, but it is a pretty small office. Smells permeate.

....when a bird gets into the Bride's room.
     We have a fancy little room where the bride's get ready when they're getting married. It has a fireplace, the flue of which is supposed to be stopped up but is not entirely. Every few months a bird will fall down the chimney and get stuck in that room. They make a mess. Once, a baby bird fell and was just dying in the fireplace making the most horrible sounds. That sucked.

....when a bat gets into the men's room upstairs.
     None of us are sure how this happened. Best guess is it came in through the attic. Miss Right called me from her Summer class upstairs and said, "So, there's a bat...on the curtain of the shower in the men's room up here. I closed the door. Just FYI." Awesome.

So, that's my work life. They may not make sense to the uninitiated but Ev'ry Day I'm Pastorin' has been a source of constant humor in my life. They're funny 'cause they're true.


  1. Safety: That's horrifying. O_O DON'T GET HURT!

    Stereotypes: That is ALSO horrifying.

    Lunch: Forgetting lunch is the worst.

    E & C: You guys should learn how to fence. And be French. Because that would be fun. Then some young upstart would come in and get rowdy. You'd all challenge her to bible trivia at fifty paces, but ultimately become friends!

    Busy: At least they need you? This = job security.

    Motivation: Hahahaha, yup.

    Sunshine: :(

    Rainy: I always want to be at home reading and listening to the patter of the rain on these days.

    Copier: Someday you should Office Space that copier.

    Hipster Jesus: DO IT.

    Death: Generally not good.

    Making things about you: Don't we all.

    Birds: *weeps*

    1. I guess Miss Right is kind of our D'Artagnan. She's the youngest and only works in the Summer and on and off again during breaks. She's not particularly rowdy but her presence is a disturbance in the usual flow. BAHAHAHA, none of us know bible trivia. We'd be better off with a movie challenge.

  2. Okay, first I have to say that this was an even better read than The Bloggress (I suspect it's mostly because you're my cardinal).

    Truth time... so part of me wants to hug you right now for dealing with all of that, while the other is jealous of your camaraderie at work. I love my coworkers and have fun with them, but rarely do we get to sit and chat for longer than a minute uninterrupted. Guess that's what I get for being one of the youngest ones here, lol. And, see, I too am guilty of making it about me. So, I apologize dear. I really do hate all of that too for you. At least every day brings new adventures and material for blogs...? ;)

  3. Haha, thank you, darling. I don't know if I feel up to her standard but you're sweet.

    Every day is a new adventure. We've joked about making a sitcom. I am incredibly lucky to have such great coworkers. Of course, that also means I can never leave them.